i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
