Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
