You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
