He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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