Its about making memories worth repressing
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
