Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
