Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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