They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
