I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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