he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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