I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
