My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
