Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
