She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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