he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize