ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
id be glad to
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
