Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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