scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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