Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
