Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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