I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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