carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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