My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
tell me about the eggs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
