I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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