youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
