We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
