if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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