he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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