Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
