oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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