So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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