OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
