Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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