his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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