I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
