I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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