Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
