My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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