weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
