I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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