i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
