I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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