I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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