i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
