fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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