Ambien. No doubt about it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
