My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
