K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
