My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
