make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
