My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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