you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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