Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
