Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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