sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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