I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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