I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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