Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
