The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
