I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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