She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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